Stuck in a Moment & Memories of My Mom

I've been in a funk lately. You know what I mean? Those epic quicksands of emotion that leave you drowning. Yeah, I've been there for awhile. I mean, I'm thankful for my new job and all, and professionally things worked out after the epic black hole or horror this summer, lol. At the same time, there are a lot of other question marks right now that are making life difficult. Will I finally meet Prince Charming before my expiration date....I iz 31, ya know? When will I have the longed for baby so that accidentally going down the baby aisle at Walmart doesn't send a stabbing pain of longing reverberating through my chest? When will my book be published? AUGHHHHH! Too many questions!!!

For the most part, September is notoriously a hard month for me. It reaps a harvest of painful memories and takes me back to the last stretch of my mother's life. She was diagnosed with glioblastoma--one of the most severe and most aggressive brain tumors on August 26th, 2002. At first, the doctors were very positive. She would have the tumor removed, have some radiation at best, and all would be good. However, that was before they did the actual surgery and realized the type and severity of the tumor. The mortality rate for Glioblastomas are 24 months at best. My mom only got four weeks. She passed away on the 28th of September, 2002.

Losing my mom shattered me, and honestly, a part of me died with her. Or at least, who I once was died with her. She was my best friend, my rock of faith, my never ending cheerleader. As an only child and one she tried for many years to have, she called me the Sunshine in her Life. And in the same token, she was the sunshine in mine. I couldn't imagine a life without her in it. I get angry sometimes when people say to me, "Oh, I couldn't bear losing my mother." Even though I know they mean well, I have to fight the urge to scream at them, "Well, do you think I signed up for this, because I sure as hell didn't? I'm dying here!" I didn't think I could bear it. I thought I would die from the grief--sometimes I wanted to. I still lived at home at the time my mother passed away, and she was my entire world.

Time does heal wounds, but you're never fully healed. And months like September seem to pour salt on those wounds. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my mother--that I don't wish to be comforted by her again, to hear her laugh, to feel her arms around me. Then there are days when it shifts to a painful ache--one that leaves me emotionally crippled. But somehow you get through--somehow you survive, and you find the strength to go on in the love that you shared.

Goodbye's the Saddest Word: Celine Dion

Mama, you gave life to me.
Turned a baby into a lady.
And mama, all you had to offer was a promise of a lifetime of love.

Now I know.

There is no other love like a mother's love for her child .
And I know love so complete someday must leave.
Must say goodbye.

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear.
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near.
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry.
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye.

SPEAKING LOUDLY in Defense of Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak

It's very ironic to experience a wonderful church service and "dinner on the grounds" as we say in the South, and then come home to find what I did about some religious fanatic trying to ban Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak. I want to SPEAKLOUDLY today for Laurie Halse Anderson, for being against book banning, and for being a Christian who is not a "hater" or a "zealot"

If you follow me on twitter or go to message boards I'm on, you might be going, "Um, really Krista, you're a strong Christian? Hmm..." I'll be the first to admit I cuss like a sailor, crack sexual inuendo jokes, probably diss/gossip about people way more than I should, etc. Dude, those are my major vices and sins, lol, and I repent with the best of them! But when it comes down to it, I'm as Christian/spiritual/faith based as they come.

At the core of my being and in all facets of my life, I am a person of faith. Church was what I was brought up with--my grandfather was a Baptist minister, my mother and father's families all went to the same small, Baptist church. I've lost friends and boyfriends because of my moral choices, but hey, it's what I believed. As for my church, it is like a second home to me. The people that belong there have stood by me during the darkest times of my life.

You can't have experienced what I have in life and survive practically unscathed(aka not an alcoholic or drug abuser) if you're not a person of faith. I lost my dad to cancer just two weeks before I graduated high school. Five years later, my mom passed away also from cancer. They were 51 and 52 respectively. A month after my mom passed away, her sister who was like a 2nd mom to me, also died. As an only child and unmarried, I felt all alone in the world. But the truth is I was far from alone. Not only did I have my grandmother, my extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins, and my church family, but I had much more--I had a personal relationship with God who brought me from extreme darkness to light.

Since speaking up is important, I want to speak up about the depression I experienced bc if my story can help anyone, then it all won't be in vain. I've been to the bottom most reaches of despair--so much so I contemplated taking my own life on two occasions. One of the occasions found me in the garage with the car running, praying for God to give me the strength to take my life. But he never did. Instead, he held me in his arms and saw me through the darkest moments. There are still low times in my life--I'm waiting for things I've been praying for and are waiting for them to come to fruition. But I know that God and my faith will see me through.

I felt the need to talk about my faith since the very talented and fabulous Myra McEntire also did in her post. I wanted to preface that I was a Christian, but I cannot imagine trying to ban books. While there are certainly books out there I wouldn't want my future kids reading, that's MY choice to tell them not to read it; it shouldn't be the choice of one parent or a school board to say what is right or wrong. I've always been horrified by Christians who hop on the book burning bandwagon like with harmless books like Harry Potter. Sheesh. It's like my mom used to say when some Christians wanted to make a big deal about dressing as witches or goblins. She was like, "Well, those people do not have very much religion or faith if that is what they have to worry about!" I think this goes along with book banning as well.

I'm also labeled as many things because I'm a Christian. Intolerance seems to be the biggest issue among Christians today. Unfortunately, the most intolerant of us are the most vocal. There's a large silent majority who live by the Bible's teachings, which is to leave judgement to God. I find it most appalling that a minister would advocate the burning of the Quran, or that Christians would go protest a fallen soldier's funeral or a homosexual's. Those are not principles of the Bible and certainly not WWJD aka What Would Jesus Do!

I taught Speak a year ago, and it was one of the best experiences I've had with a novel. Both my Freshman girls and boys loved it. We had great, thought provoking discussions. I'm not teaching 9th this year, but if I was, I would TOTALLY teach Speak again. I am planning on saying something with my Seniors tomorrow about Speak, about book burning etc, even though it is not on the curriculum.

At ALA in June, I got to meet Laurie, and she signed copies of Forge and Chains. I was able t0 tell her how much teaching Speak meant to me and how much I loved her work. She is one of the kindest, most giving authors I've ever met. With all her success, there are no airs about her. She seems as down to earth as anyone I know. But most of all, I know she's taken on tough issues so that teenagers can have a voice and perspective in the world. I admire her for that, and she and always will be a literary hero of mine.

So, I'm about to order several copies of Speak on Amazon. I suggest you do the same. Let's stand up for the rights of young women. I know I've had and do have students who have been victims of sexual abuse. I want them to have a voice. I want everyone who has been abused to have a voice. And I want people of faith to get on their knees and pray for guidance rather than spewing hate and intolerance.

Sunday Slobber: My Trip to the Decatur Book Festival!

*Disclaimer: The reason this post goes under "Sunday Slobber" is it was supposed to happen yesterday, but blogger was being a $%#&*, so I had to wait to post until this morning.

So, I actually dehermitized yesterday, got out of the ol' writing chair for something besides teaching, to head down to the Decatur Book Festival. For those of you unfamiliar with DBF, which until this year included myself, lol, it is the largest independent book festival in the nation. It's a hodge-podge of genres and authors getting together to talk about writing. Best part: it's FREE! I had all good intentions of attending both days. However, the migraine from hades attacked me at 6am this morning, so I didn't quite make it.

I was so thrilled to get to do something again with Regan. We had an awesome time last January at our Writer's Weekend in Gatlinburg. Saturday dawned a gorgeous pre-fall day. It was a cloudless sky with a slight breeze--a thankful respite from the usual heinous Georgia humidity and heat. I met Regan for lunch at Mary Mac's Team Room--I'd never been before, and it was AWESOME! I'd highly recommend it for great Southern food, plus it is quite the celebrity hotspot. Then we headed on to the festival. Decatur is just over the Fulton County/Atlanta border.



Here's some quick facts I learned! (Props to Myra McEntire and Heather Tresse since my phone died partway through, and I'm borrowing some of their tweets! Was sooo excited to me the awesomely lovely and funny Myra McEntire! You need to mark Hourglass to read come this May! It will be teh bomb! Bummed that Heather and I were in the same room, yet we didn't manage to say hello. Argh!

Here's Alyxandra Harvey and Carrie Ryan during the Vampire Vs. Zombie smackdown!

The Method Behind the Magic panel with Saundra Mitchell, Jessica Verday, Cinda Williams Chima and Kathleen Duey.

*Colored streaks seem to be the hip thing with YA Writer's. Blue, pink, purple, green--very cool. I will have to contemplate this fact if and when I get a deal. It would be purple since purple is my favorite color. I don't suppose the cinnamon low lites I get during the winter months actually count...hmm....

*Alyxandra Harvey and I could be twins. She doesn't outline, and she doesn't like to listen to music with lyrics while writing. That's SO me.



Here's Rachel Hawkins and Nancy Werlin during the panel.

















*The guy who lead the Zombie vs. Vampire smackdown with Carrie Ryan and Alyxandra Harvey was HILARIOUS! I love how he had us answer prozombie or provampire with either zombie groans or vampire hisses! LOL

*I ducked out at the start of the Hawkins/Werlin panel to run down to Decatur High where my cousin, former Georgia Poet Laureate, David Bottoms, was on a panel of poets. I got to hear him for a bit and then run down to the end of the stage to say a quick hello since I needed to get back to the YA panel instead of his signing. *I have several of his books of poetry and his novel signed anyway, lol*


*Nancy Werlin, author of Impossible and Extraordinary, suggests that a book cover doesn't have to have anything to do with your book. It just has to make people pick it up. She showed us the two different covers for Impossible, and we automatically gravitated towards the one with more color and a mysterious girl on the cover rather than a white washed one.



*Carrie Ryan was a Debutante back in the day, and she also worked at the Coroner's Office. So, she's got real life experience describe Zombie bones poking out and all, lol. She also wrote Forest of Hands and Teeth for NaNo month.


*I made somewhat of a goof when meeting the very funny, awesome, and approachable Rachel Hawkins of Hex Hall. I thought she was the person that Myra had been looking for in the room(we were tweeting to each other), and I made a "And you are?" loser faux paus. She was very nice about it tho. :)




*Per Rachel Hawkins: Covers matter--especially when they put a cat on yours, and there's no cat in the book. She has since revisited her cat stance, and there is a cat being introduced into book three since so many people have written to her about the cat! We all had a laugh imagining people writing fan fiction about the cat.


*Jessica Verday suggests building a book bible when coming up with your fantasy world. It helps to keep yourself in check and remember what you need to about your world.


*Kathleen Duey's advice on writing fantasy is to STRETCH!


*Saundra Mitchell says with fantasy that she makes it up as she goes along, but she does stop and check in with reality as she goes along! lOL




Anyway, it was so awesome, and I wish I had gotten to see Cassie Clare, Michelle Zink, and Jackson Pearce on Sunday. Bummer!

Post on Beta Readers with a Lord of the Rings Twist! *And shamless Double Dipping with GotYA!

I've noticed that "betas" seem to be a hot topic lately in the blogasphere. Actually, it's not beta fish people are talking about. Although I did have one when I was in middle school. It's name was Mr. Dude....but that's a story for another day.

Critique Partners are an invaluable part of your writing career. I'm forever in debt to the people who have bravely gone where no man has gone before and read my manuscripts.

One of the first beta readers I ever had on my YAUF is someone you may have heard of. She has a book officially coming out in September, although it has been spotted in the wild! (subliminal message: Go buy the Duff!) Yep, Kody Keplinger was one of my original betas. And guess what? I got to do the same for her on The Duff. She was gracious and awesome enough to include me and some of the other beta readers in the acknowledgements!! :)

Anyway, I digress. Writing is often an isolating hobby. We hunker down in strange locations, clutching our laptops or notebooks as we escape into the uncharted realms of our imagination. In a way, we become Gollum from Lord of the Rings with our own “preshus”. If you've ever had a word count deadline or been in revision hell, you know how feasible it is to actually begin to resemble Gollum physically. And when this happens, you should seriously step away from the computer for a period of time.

So, stay with me here as I continue to use the Lord of the Rings analogy for critique partners. After you've taken that first brave step and had someone, or several people, read your work, it's only natural that you become comfortable with a select few. The bond you form with these people is very much like that of the Fellowship of the Ring. You're out for a common good: making that manuscript the best it can be either for querying, for an agent, or for an editor. The best critique partners are the ones who give a mixture of tough, constructive criticism as well as comments that can talk you down from the ledge or stop you from torching your laptop in rage.

But the greatest gift I've found with my critique partners is the friendship. These are people who will pick me up when the publishing game has left me bloodied and battered on the floor. They are the wind beneath my wings, and the reason I get up, brush myself off, and try to fly once again. Some people say it takes a village to raise a child. I think this is true in the publishing world as well. I know I couldn't have made it this far without my critique partners....my manuscripts most CERTAINLY could not have made this far!

So, if you've got your own group of Sam's, Merry's and Pippin's, then hold tight to them. They're what make the journey--the quest up to Mt. Doom feasible.

My Critique Partner thanks goes to Jamie Blair, Annie McElfresh, Becca Rogers, Stephanie Jenkins, and Hannah Wydey. GOLDEN GIRLS BOOK TOUR 2054!!!!!

Flashback Friday and GotYA

Hey guys!

Yes, it's me the sucktastic blogger actually blogging. Whoo hoo, right? Well, don't get too excited. I'm not actually blogging....I'm actually giving you some linkie love of today's post and last Friday's post on GotYA. Yes, I'm terrible and sacrifice my own blog for the sake of the group.

This week's Flashback Friday gives you some inspirational quotes to think about as well as the opportunity to enter and win Personal Demons.

Last week's Flashback Friday deals with awesome 90's show My So Called Life--a must see for any Contemporary YA writer.

So, check them out!!! :)

"Krista, you got some splanin' to do!": A Post on Why I'm Taking a Break from Teaching

This is a timely post in some ways, and in others, it's way over due. It's to address why I'm not teaching this year. And I thought I'd borrow a little from one of my favorite shows, I Love Lucy, to explain what exactly was going on.







There's been two kind of reactions when I told people I would not be going back to teaching next year.

#1



and #2



















BUT WHY?
I think people are shocked for a number of reasons. The first being I've taught for nine years. Yep, nine years. I like to flatter myself I was just a mere child myself when I started teaching....actually, it's more like I was barely 22 when I got my first job. I taught six years in middle school, three years in high school, and I also taught one year of adjunct college classes. Besides the experience, most people know I spent time and energy on teaching. In other words, I got my Masters degree and my Gifted Certification. I also won a Class Act Teaching Award and got featured on a local news station. And most know that I love teaching. They've heard me tell stories about teaching, talk about my students--even request prayer at church for them. So I guess that's why they've been baffled.

And really, I'm taking a break this year. I don't intend to turn my back on teaching forever. I'd miss the kids too much to do that.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?
I'm not leaving teaching to do nothing but sit around the house. I DO HAVE another job--I would not have left without making sure I had another income. I will be freelance writing for Demand Studios. I know the word "freelance" makes it sound like fly by night or not steady work. But it is! I can make as much as I did teaching....frankly, I can make more than I made teaching. It just depends on the hours I want to devote to it. I write on what I want to, when I want to, and I get paid twice a week. Not bad, huh? And I get to work from the comfort of home....in my pajamas. *yes, I'm smiling right now*

So what do I write? I get to write on anything and everything. Demand gives you set titles. You research about them and then write them. I've written on everything from the Top Buckhead Condos, to how to get cat urine how of carpet, to goals for student teachers, to RV campgrounds in Idaho. That's the beauty of it. You write on so many different things that it's hard to get bored.

Here's what my new work schedule will look like:

7:00: Get up and go walk(I want to build back to the 5miles I once did)
8:00-8:30: Breakfast & Shower
8:30-12:00: Work
12:00-2:00: Lunch and Afternoon Break(Probably cooking some for my grammy to make sure she's eating better)
2:00-4:00: Work


ONCE AGAIN....WHY?
But here's the truth and real reason I left: I needed a change. I was mentally and physically broken down. Some people might not think that Anemia coupled with B12 deficiency is really an issue. Trust me, it is. When you come in from work and have to sleep two hours just to get through the evening, it's a problem. I went from walking five miles a day to barely having the
energy to get through the day, least of all walk. I'm on two self given B12 shots a week now--not fun for the gal who hates needles. Once upon a time, I could get a B12 and then run laps around my house. Nope, that's sadly not the case anymore. They're more for energy surival than energy boosts now. I'm hoping that this year off will help me recharge and get back to where I once was. Then I'll go back to teaching, or if something else has come along then, I'll do that.

What it boils down to is this is a God thing. He's calling the shots. He gave me the answers I needed to know what I was doing was the right thing. It's terribly hard trust him and not doing what feels comfortable to you. But in the end, I know it's for the best.

So, that's the skinny on why I'm not teaching this year.

Sunday Slobber: My DC Trip Recap

Hey guys,

*DISCLAIMER: I HAVE BEEN MESSING WITH THE MARGINS, SPACING, PICTURES, etc FOR THIS POST FOR OVER AN HOUR!!! I GIVE UP! I HATE, HATE, HATE BLOGGER!!!

Anyway, carry on!!!

Wow, I'm blogging twice in one week. Shocking, huh? I know you think what pupster Duke is doing is all I've been doing this summer, but I promise it's not.....life has been EPICALLY complicated, lol.

While I blogged over at GotYA about my ALA experience( here is the LINK if you wanna check it out), I wanted to do a little recap of my DC trip. I'd never been to our nation's capital before, so I left two days before the conference started to do a little sight seeing.

First stop was the Smithsonian--can't believe how huge and how many of them there are. Once I figured to head over to the Museum of American History(no offense, I wasn't much on the Natural History--although seeing the Hope Diamond was way cool! As a history nerd, I really wanted to see the First Ladies dresses. And as an even bigger Kennedy fan, I was stoked to see Jackie Kennedy's innaugural gown.

And here's Michelle Obama's

Also in the museum of American History are the Ruby Red slippers worn by Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz. I played Auntie Em in an elementary school version back in the day! LOL

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And then as a big fan of the Carol Burnette Show, I loved that they had the gown she wore in the Gone with the Wind parody sketch with the "curtain" dress

After the Smithsonian, I headed over to the National Archives where the Declaration of Independence and Constitution are housed. And don't let the movie National Treasure fool you. They keep the room very dim to protect the documents, and the average wait time to see them is forty-five minutes. The actual Declaration is hard to read in parts because the writing has faded over time. Very cool to see it up close and personal.

While walking around I saw the Hoover FBI building and the Bobby Kennedy Justice Building. Then I took a Trolley tour of the city, and I got to see the Supreme Court, Library of Congress, Jefferson Memorial, Capital, Union Station, White House South lawn, etc . On Thursday afternoon, I had also planned to see Ford's Theater where Lincoln was shot, but I found out after the fact you had to get your tickets a day in advance, so I only got to see the outside of the building. BUMMER! I packed a lot into Thursday from 12:00 on, so I headed back to the hotel with burning feet and took it easy for the rest of the evening, lol.

On Friday morning, I headed out with a group tour to George Washington's home, Mt. Vernon. The former plantation grounds are immense and very beautiful. The Washington's loved to entertain, and they almost always had guests at their house. We even saw the bedroom where George died. I also met a lot of great people on the tour, which was also very nice.

The back porch looks out over the river, and it's BEAUTIFUL!!!

Next up on the tour was Christ Church where both George Washington and Robert E Lee attended.

Then we headed over to Arlington National Cemetery to watch the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns, which is really amazing, humbling, emotional, etc to watch.

Then we stopped at the Kennedy graves. As I said before, I've always been a big fan as well as reader of history on the Kennedy family--their service to America, their courage and faith under extreme circumstances--so I was especially thankful to get to see where John and Jackie were buried along with Bobby and Teddy. Their graves are on the hillside below the Custus Lee mansion, which is also very beautiful.

I deeply admire Bobby Kennedy for his work on the Civil Rights Movement, the less fortunate, and wanting to get us out of Vietnam. It was very surreal to stand before his grave, especially after just teaching about him in May.

After Arlington, we stopped at the WWII Navy monument, which is also known as the Iwa Jima memorial. My grandfather served in the Navy during WWII, so this was especially poignant for me.

Our last stop was at the Vietnam, Korean, and Lincoln Memorials. The Vietnam Memorial is especially important to me since my dad served in Vietnam and passed away in 1997 from Agent Orange Related cancer from his service. He visited the wall in the 80's, and I have pictures of him standing before it and the statue of soliders. As a child, I saw the Moving Wall several times at the Vietnam Veteran campouts we would go to over Memorial Day. But seeing the actual one was very important.

The Presidents I admire most are Lincoln, Roosevelt, and JFK. So, the Lincoln Memorial was on my list of places I HAD to see for many reasons. The first being it was about the man I greatly admired and felt a great affinity with. Lincoln struggled for most of his life with depression over the loss of family members, especially his mother, but his depression was the kind that fueled his greatness. I certainly feel a connection with him on that matter. Secondly, my great-grandfather, a master stone carver, actually worked on the Lincoln monument back in the 20's. So, visiting there was an appreciation of his work as well. Finally, another man I great admire, Martin Luther King Jr, gave his famous I Have a Dream speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. It was amazing to think of how much history has been there.

It is such an imposing sight when you step inside to see Lincoln. And of course, his gaze is still watching over Washington DC, just like the Jefferson Memorial has Jefferson keeping an eye on the Capital.

A view from the bottom of the monument.

View from the steps...much of what MLK would've seen as he delivered his speech.

















Once again, by 7pm, I was exhausted! I was supposed to go on a DC by Dark tour Friday night, but I knew if I wanted to have any energy for walking around the exhibit hall at ALA, I had better rest up. So I headed back to the hotel for Chinese food and Moonstruck on tv. Couldn't ask for more.

Saturday at the Washington Convention Center for ALA with Rebecca, Miranda, and Sumayyah was AWESOME!!! Then I left on a 11am flight on Sunday. So, it was a pretty whirlwind trip, but I'm so glad I went, and I got to see as much as I did.